Me: Seems like January 1st 2017 would be a good day to quit smoking.
Tobacco addiction: HAHAHAHAHA that's a good one, got any more New Year jokes?
Me: I feel like we're a married couple, you and I, as I've come to accept that by now only death will do us part.
Tobacco addiction: Fucking count on it, bitch.
P.S. As it turns out, as of 26 February 2018, I have managed to stay stopped for 33 weeks!